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A Definitive List of Memorial Necessities

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4 min read

Losing someone you love can be overwhelming, to say the least. And the chaotic circumstances in the aftermath definitely don’t help. There’s nothing more distressing, confusing or disorienting than someone we love leaving us. And in the event of a spontaneous, unpredictable passing, it’s doubly hard to navigate. Suddenly, we’re not just grieving for a painful loss. Now, we’re planning a funeral and memorial service. It often leaves the person it falls on feeling helpless and unsure what to do. And if no instructions, wishes or directions were specified in end-of-life planning, the family as a whole usually has no idea what they should choose on their behalf.

During moments like this, grieving families often find themselves asking what elements of a funeral are necessities versus extraneous, ceremonial options. We’ve been serving our Long Island community for decades, and guiding them through the most difficult moments of their lives. We work tirelessly to make the monument and headstone process as painless as possible, and more than once our clients inquire about this specific topic. So, in this post, we’ll walk through the true funeral necessities, what a typical service includes, and practical tips for planning wisely.

Table of Contents

Highest Priority: The Wishes & Legacy of the Deceased

First and foremost, the most important thing to consider when identifying funeral necessities is the intentions of the deceased. With any luck, there will be a clear, coherent record specifying their wishes and instructions in vivid detail. However, in many cases, no such record exists and the family is left in a state of wild speculation trying to guess what they would decide if they were alive.

It may seem like an insurmountable task. But, in many cases, the basic recollection of a loved one is enough to govern the decision-making process. Very often, those who knew them best (often the ones responsible for planning) actually become very confident in their choices. The simple recollection of their interests, passions, hobbies and personality inspire decisions made in the aftermath of their passing.

It’s important to think about what kind of funeral or memorial service they would want, and if it’s something you can’t decide alone, consult another family member. Evaluating your options and vocalizing your thoughts with someone else can be hugely helpful in compelling you towards a decision you can make confidently. When it comes to the memorial itself, our complete guide to choosing a cemetery monument walks through every decision step by step.

Standard Elements of a Funeral

Many families find it helpful to gain a clear idea of what a typical funeral entails. First and foremost, the foundation of a funeral is the viewing ceremony. This ceremony, prior to the burial, involves preparing the body for presentation, and allowing friends and family to visit and pay their respects a final time.

Usually, the formal funeral service that follows involves a priest, pastor, reverend, monk or some other religious figure from the faith of the deceased leading a somber ceremony of psalms, readings and scripture. Often, friends and family share heartfelt words of remembrance, and the clergyman gives a sermon celebrating the life of the deceased. Afterwards, mourners go to the cemetery, where the burial happens. This is, more often than not, the moment where emotions peak as mourners bury their loved one.

Once this is complete, mourners often go directly to the home of a family member for a small, quiet reception.

The Essential Services vs. the Add-Ons

Remember: you’re under no obligation to agree to additional services or accoutrements. Many aggressive funeral directors will discuss add-ons and propose them as if they’re visible confirmation of your love for whoever you lost. Ultimately, you should never feel shame at declining an extraneous offer from anyone handling these services.

Whether expected or unexpected, the phase following a loved one’s death can be one of the toughest times in your life, and the range of emotions we experience may cloud our judgement during this process. It can compel us to believe that certain services are essential when they aren’t. However strongly you believe your loved one deserves the absolute best, try to keep a clear perspective and your overall budget in mind. You’re not doing your loved one a disservice by eliminating extraneous costs from their funeral. If money is an issue, there are many unique ways to memorialize a loved one that don’t strain the budget.

Ask About Pricing and Know What You’re Getting

Understanding how the various funeral service packages are priced is key to making an informed decision. If you intend to get quotes from multiple locations, stay aware of exactly what each package includes so you’re comparing like for like.

Throughout the process, keep track of your expenses and ask for explanations about any vague charges. Examples of unfair treatment are few and far between, but occasionally unscrupulous companies try to exploit unsuspecting mourners. If you find yourself victimized by these practices, contact the Funeral Consumers Alliance about steps you can take to correct it.

Should You Hire a Funeral Director?

Looking to remove as much stress as possible from the planning process? Then hiring a funeral director is your best bet. While it costs more, a funeral director assumes responsibility for every phase of the funeral, including coordinating with cemeteries, preparing the body and arranging transportation. Consequently, this removes the brunt of the responsibility from the family.

If You Pre-Plan, Keep Others in the Loop

There are many advantages to pre-planning a monument and your own funeral arrangements. You can design your own personalized headstone and even choose an epitaph for yourself, removing the emotional burden these decisions sometimes place on families. You can also save your family the time and energy of comparing funeral home costs.

However, if you choose to do this, be sure to tell at least one person about the arrangement. If possible, keep the funds in an account your family can access, and discuss the arrangements with an expert such as a lawyer or financial planner before finalizing them.

Conclusion: St. Charles Monuments

Planning a funeral, you’ll have to deal with a lot of unnecessary offers. However, one single, important item is all you need to properly commemorate the life of your loved one. And that’s why, at St. Charles, our mission is to craft stunning monuments and headstones that honor the legacy of your loved one. Ultimately, we aim to honor those we’ve lost, and create enduring reflections of their impact on the people they loved. If you’re beginning that process, our buying guide is the best place to start.

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